Not every bride is armed with Emily Post’s wedding etiquette book. The staple of all things etiquette, Post addresses everything a bride could ponder. Is it ok to include registry info in an invite or how long do you have to write a thank you? Post has it covered, and, for the record, no it is not good etiquette to ever include registry info on your invite and thank yous should be written and mailed ASAP.
However, with the emergence of social media and all things e-centric, the rules of wedding etiquette have become a bit…smudged. Suddenly, there are so many sites to post information about your wedding…and everyone needs those details. Right?
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Not so fast. Just because technology has made it easier to announce details and wedding information publicly or to your list of ‘friends’ doesn’t mean you should. And etiquette also applies to the social media and internet realms.
When you’re planning your wedding, there are rules and regulations that should be followed. Etiquette protocol directs your manners, so you don’t end up upsetting or insulting someone unintentionally. Unfortunately, not all couples know the rules of wedding etiquette and how they should be applied to the wired world.
For rule wary couples, here is a quick and easy guide about the Do’s and Don’ts of online wedding ceremony details and etiquette protocol:
Online Registry Information
While you may be tempted to put a virtual shout out on Facebook, Twitter or elsewhere noting where you’re registered…or even linking to the site, do NOT send registry information without a prompt. In other words, it’s terribly tacky to go around telling everyone where you’re registered and dropping the links as virtual hints to all your friends and relatives. The rules on registries remain very firm…registry information should only be spread via word of mouth. This is per the Emily Post Institute. You can, however, include registry information on a wedding website and direct guests to this website when detailing other info about the wedding. Just do not implicitly post or shout out your registry details. And,
for goodness sake, don’t put the registry link on your invite.
Wedding Ceremony Updates
Yes, you likely want to share the date and time of your wedding ceremony…obviously this is fine, as long as you’re only sharing with guests who will be invited. Don’t publish the details to friends who won’t receive an invite, otherwise you will leave yourself open to hurt feelings or friends bugging you about their ‘lost invitation.’ Also don’t share private details about the wedding ceremony that might spoil any surprises for guests. If you’re planning to serenade your beloved but it’s a surprise, don’t hint about it online.
The Wedding Entertainment
If you’re hosting a live band or a DJ for your wedding entertainment, the choice of music is up to you. However, if you’re hosting kids at the reception, try to be considerate and not have offensive lyrics blaring early on in the night. Keep crazier or more raucous tunes for later, when younger guests might head out for the night. You also can host a silent disco for a quieter option. Guests wear headphones to listen to the music. This lets other guests continue their conversation…and you can keep the party rocking later.
Count on It
Final numbers for a reception and ceremony are often imperative to the cost of the event. You need that final headcount…but not everyone has turned in their RSVP. When you’re down to the wire and you need a head count, it’s time to make calls. In this case, don’t rely on messaging via social media. If you need to know NOW, you, your parents or your partner should pick up the phone. Anna Post also recommends trying your best to accommodate late responding guests.
Reception Etiquette
Many couples create a seating chart for their reception. Don’t stick Facebook warring friends or estranged relatives near each other. You’ll only create drama. Couples also should try their best to talk to all guests at the reception. Not only is this good reception etiquette, but it also shows guests how much you appreciate their presence.
Abiding by etiquette protocol when planning your wedding will help assure that you don’t offend or upset any loved ones. When in doubt, purchase a book on wedding etiquette to keep on hand as a reference. And remember that online sites—especially social media—is not always the best way to communicate wedding details.
